Why Can’t I Stop Flirting?

Reader question 2: Control freak ex
My boyfriend and I were in a relationship for over 2 years, and had been living together for just over a year. A couple of months ago, he moved out because he said he “couldn’t take the little things anymore.”

I admit, we used to argue over the stupidest things. But I just thought that it was all part of the getting-to-know-each-other part of living together.

Unfortunately, he disagreed. He told me to move on and find someone new, but whenever I attempt to, he gets crazy jealous. Should I wait it out until he comes back to me, or should I end our friendship and move on? I really love him and he really loves me.

- BB

My suggestion is to end the friendship and move on. Good and true friends encourage our personal growth and our moving on. He’s not being a friend. He’s still being a crazy boyfriend. And he has no right to be that.

He left behind all the responsibility to the relationship behind but still wants to control and manage what you do. He would like to have benefits with no responsibilities and life doesn’t work like that.

Love is an action. It is what you do, not what you say. His actions toward you are not loving and allowing him to act like this is not being loving toward yourself.

I wouldn’t wait for him to come back for two reasons:

1. He doesn’t sound like a prize. According to you he moved out over little things (which may or may not have been the right thing to do), yet wants to hold onto you as a “friend” but gets “crazy jealous” if you see someone else.

2. It sounds as if he has a lot of issues, control being first and foremost. He controlled the relationship as to when it was over and controls that you are to be friends and he controls what you are allowed to do with your life. Sounds like a control freak to me. You can find a controlling boyfriend under any rock. They’re nothing special. My suggestion is to cut him loose and figure out why you’ve been involved with such a person.

I would end the friendship and any and all contact with him. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Treat yourself well and put the focus on you. Stay alone for a while so that you can figure out where you are going and what you want.

In addition to my book, we have a support community at GettingPastYourPast and I invite you to come there and share and the group will support you and help you to leave this guy behind! Good luck!

<< Previous page: The uncontrollable flirt.