Gold Digger Doesn’t Want To Have Sex

Gold diggers must deal with Viagra now

Susan J. Elliott is a motivational speaker, grief therapist, expert commentator, attorney, popular blogger, and author of Getting Past Your Breakup: How To Turn A Devastating Breakup Into The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You.

Reader question #1: Gold digger
I am what people would call a gold digger. And I don’t deny it; I don’t even try to hide it. The thing is, when I was in my teens, dating men in their 30s, it was easy being with them because they were good looking.

But ever since Viagra, it hasn’t been such an easy ride for me. I’m in my 30s and still looking hot, but I’ve become accustomed to a lifestyle that only very rich men can provide. These men tend to be much older. And wrinkly.

But they take Viagra, so my job as arm candy just isn’t cutting it. They want sex and that’s just not working for me. Can you please tell me how to fend them off of sex but keep them wanting me?

Carla

Susan J. Elliott’s answer:
Dear Carla,

In a word: no. I can’t tell you that. In contract law it is called “the benefit of the bargain” or “you can’t get something for nothing.” They are giving you something and expect more than just a good-looking lady on their arm in return.

Second, if you’ve been doing this since your teens, you’re not a very good “gold digger.” By your 30s you should have accumulated enough wealth to not have to date rich men anymore or you would have landed one to marry you and let you spend his money however you wish.

Instead you’re still “out there” trying to date men with money without having to give anything in return.

My advice to you is to stop looking for a way to avoid sex with them because soon they’re going to be avoiding you. It’s time to realize that the career of a “gold digger” ends sometime in your 30s.

If these shallow relationships are simply about “I look good and you give me money,” then the rich guys are going to be going for a lot younger “arm candy” in just a few short years (if that long).

Let’s face it; if a man is going to spend money on a woman just for looking good, without anything in return, he can certainly find younger and prettier women than you. These relationships are about using each other and if he’s going to be used, he’s going to look for someone better than you to use in return.

So my advice would be to realize that your time as arm candy is short-lived. Maybe you should try to find out what it is about you that can’t sustain a truly intimate relationship with a man, what it is you’re really running from and how have you convinced yourself that being a “gold digger” is some kind of calling in life? Because it’s not.

There is usually a reason why women go for the money and avoid the intimacy that a real relationship could provide. It’s usually fear or a hurt long ago. Sometimes it’s a history of abuse, either physical, emotional or sexual. What is it in your case that has driven this less-than-satisfying lifestyle?

I think that the end of the road is probably near and that’s not a bad thing. It can help you get in touch with what it is that you’re afraid of in real relationships.

Perhaps you need to go to therapy to find that out, but I urge you to do that and stop pursuing a dead-end lifestyle choice. Get in touch with your fear and get out of these meaningless relationships.

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