Can Cheap Guys Get The Girl?

Robin says:

I agree with you. I find that cheap men typically stay cheap. Even if they do all of sudden land it big, they tend to spend more on themselves but are cheap with you. Most cheap guys however get used to living cheap and they don’t want to change. I find that most of these guys have very little ambition in life and don’t seem to want to better them selves.

Kal L. says:

Honestly, I’m one of those guys who is very frugal and minimalistic (as a startup founder, it’s a must). In a society that is engrossed with materialism and obsession over money – not having enough or wanting more than enough, the question is what will bring happiness.

I believe in generosity, and that you share what you are comfortable with sharing, and that means being comfortable with yourself and being comfortable with the other person.

Most times, selective spenders are very good with how they invest — preferring long term goals or those investments that they feel there’s a return that in beneficial to them. When it comes to matters of the heart, selective spenders are quick to recognize a potentially financially abusive relationship or someone who values them and therefore they have more to give to that one person rather than splurging it across a cadre of women.

There are always extreme examples of a man being cheap, but there are also examples of women taking advantage of a man’s eagerness to please. When was the last time a woman actually estimated how much money men have spent on courting her? Because… most women don’t care, it’s not their money.

Courtship fuels our economy. Why else would a man purchase the most expensive rock on earth for a woman? Who drew up these rules? in the 21st century, not all men are willing to play by the rules, especially when the game is fixed to benefit the rich and wealthiest of men and not the men who are doing their best to become healthy contributors to society. The “little” things don’t mean as much today as it did generations before us, because our culture is increasingly becoming self-absorbed (do we care where these diamonds come from?) and willing to place a price on the most human of needs and wants – including our sense of self. Some women find their value in how much men spend on them.

There’s a middle way to anything in life and a person who believes that they are “losing” something when they spend money on another person or human being, has to spend some time self-reflecting on what would make them happy as individuals and if if their love life is worth seriously “investing” in.

However, if a man finds himself in the company of a woman who herself feels that she is entitled to be “splurged” on because of what is in between her legs…then he ought to exercise some restraint from “being the man” and be honest with himself and see the person for who she really is and who she assumes who he is – a meal ticket.

Along my short stay in a monastery in Northern India, I asked an elder monk about relationships. He told me as we walked together,

“boy sees girls, crosses bridge over stream to girl – no good. Girl sees boy, girl crosses bridge over stream to boy – no good. Boy and girl cross bridge SAME TIME, they see reflection in the water. That is what it should be for you! This will bring happiness in love!”

That was about ten years ago, and I’m just getting to understand the wisdom of his words.

He was referring to equanimity and meeting someone where they’re at and where they’re at being halfway towards us.

So call it cheap, selective spending, conservative buyer, frugal dater, or a minimalistic approach to life – unhealthy is unhealthy, and if a person is unhealthy and is cheap or unhealthy and loves to splurge on their date, they are still both unhappy, it’s just that there are better consolation prizes with the latter, so some women just want the latter because a breakup could still equal big bucks.

According to the “100 year Family Plan” series by Worth Magazine, typically the founders of big fortunes were frugal people who learned to drive down costs and make big use of minuscule resources. They were creative with his they spent money, and their character allowed for them to attract the kind of people who were more interested in their friendship than their utility.

But there’s a difference between the guy that decides that a fast food restaurant makes a terrific first date or the guy who decides to buy his date some ice cream because he makes little money as a Harvard Law student. Eventually that guy would become the President of the United States, or the head of a Fortune 500, or the breakthrough scientist that discovers the cure that saves the lives of millions of children. Typically after their great success, yes, these founders remain cheap, but with themselves, because they recognized need from want. More than likely what they don’t spend on themselves they are happy to spend on the ones the love – as long as they don’t push it. No one wants to be made to feel like a sucker.

Ultimately, who you choose is a reflection of who you are and generous people, if they accept and love themselves will attract generous people.

Simply I live by this: “Make the most matter to those who matter the most.”